Spring break

Haven't been sleeping very well these days. Body clock badly screwed, it seems like I'm waking up when people are going to bed and going to bed when people are waking up. What on earth even!!!!! But anyway it's not like I'll be able to change it and actually I don't really care since it's the holidays now hiakhiak. 

Gotten back my mid year results and honestly speaking I'm super disappointed in myself. Failed 3 subjects if I didn't remember wrongly and magically passed my art althou' I got a grade five LOL. Mom went down school to meet my level head and principal due to my poor attendance which is just a total waste of my mom's time bcos they just repeat the same thing over and over again.. I DONT UNDERSTAND. 

Despite the holidays, I still have to go back school to attend remedial classes bcos I failed those subjects but whatever, I'm so done with school I'm not returning back!!!!!! Sometimes I just feel like burning my school down, too many idiots there, oops..? But seriously I think I'll go nuts if I continue visiting school the sight of it makes me sick.

X

This is just life. People come and go, it's just a matter of time. I can't believe I'm losing someone so dearly to me in life, someone who once played such an important role in my life. I'm losing him, or perhaps I already lost. I guess this is how it works, you can't get the things you want, or desire. The things you love, will slowly become the things you lost. So much of struggling in this love-hate and hot-and-cold war for 2 years and a half. Now it's finally over. Maybe I deserve better, or maybe it's the other way round. I didn't do much memorable things for you to remember me, but I hope I've brought you happiness in your life, even if it's just for a second. I still miss you, definitely. But you're just no longer worth the fight anymore, not worthy of another heartbreak I have to face alone again. X.

So much regrets. 

I have never felt this guilty or this bad in my entire life before

I wish I could turn back time now to make things right.

So much of being a delinquent person, I've nothing to say about my actions

So remorseful, I just wish no one will give up on me in life

Especially my mom. 

All Of Me // Angus & Julia Stone

Another day of skipping school. Have no idea what to say about myself, but I guess it's alright since exams are already over and holidays are approaching in one week time. So lifeless these days bcos' all I do is sleep and eat and play and sleep and eat and play. Hoping that my laptop will be fixed soon so that I can spend my days watching my favouite dramas or movies and maybe, try to be a gamer and play games all day hahahaha. Fucking laptop spoiled like crazy, can't even turn it on now bcos' both my charger n battery is spoiled. Ugh. 

"Crying infront of you is like handling you a gun, with every secret that poured out of my mouth, I handed you another bullet. Every tear increased the target size, and with each fragment of trust I put in you, you got closer and my armor faded away. You had enough ammunition to kill me a thousand times, but you never once did pulled the trigger. Althou' I couldn't blame you if you chose to." 

I like the rain.

It seems to fit my emotions.

Dark, sad, slowly falling, always being reused again and again.

But it's also the most peaceful and calm

at 3:18am in the morning,

because I realize if I had to pick one way 

that the way the rain and my emotions were alike, 

it would be that I can't control either one of them. 

Got so bored I went to did this test and...... 

Personality Disorder Test Results Paranoid |||||||||||||| 54% Schizoid |||||||||||| 42% Schizotypal |||||||||||||| 54% Antisocial |||||||||||||||| 70% Borderline |||||||||||| 46% Histrionic |||||| 30% Narcissistic |||| 18% Avoidant |||||||||||| 50% Dependent |||||||||||| 46% Obsessive-Compulsive |||||| 30%

Little House // Amanda Seyfried

Exams are finally over. Skipped school for one week straight after exams ended because it was just post-exam-activities which is obviously a waste of my time, I'd rather sleep. Gotten back most of my results and it's horrendous, have no idea how to voice it out to my mom. Not because I'm afraid of getting scolded, but because she'll instead not mouth a word, tell me it's ok, and the guilt will just eat me alive. Guess it's time to give more fucks about my studies, why am I even neglecting it in the first place. 

It just irks me, how someone who claims that he loves me this much can be so over protective of another. Haha whatever, things are already this nasty. I'll pick myself up from where I fall. Bye.

It's nights like this, the cold, rainy and dark ones

that makes me feel most at home

Because then it reminds me

that the sky feels sad and lonely too

Just A Fool // Christina Aguilera ft. Blake Shelton

Why do I look so grumpy here. 

Went Marina today with Yuzhen and Tyler because Yuzhen had to complete her merlion art piece and Tyler was our tour guide of the day hiakhiakhiak. We ended up sitting down and chilling @ Starbucks because the weather was too hot to sit under the Merlion to draw it. Just a short and funny day because my babygirl's sense of humor is getting stronger n stronger. Love her ba xx.

我以为爱情再度来敲门，原来这是寂寞回来找我

Mother's Day is already over but still, happy mother's day to the greatest woman alive.

Thanks for guiding me through the dark times in life

Teaching me and advising me on what to do when I'm helpless

Not giving up on me when I'm being so rebellious 

The only person who will give in to me when I'm throwing my temper

The only one who will make an effort to really try to understand

You will always be the one I care for the most

The top priority in my life. No one will ever replace you.

I love you xo.

Little numbers

Lost my bloody motivation to study. 

English Paper 1 and Mathematics Paper tomorrow, yet I'm here kiaoka-ing at my friend's house using the laptop instead of studying. Where the fuck did my motivation went to holy cow. Have been trying so hard to get myself into the study mood for the past two days but I just can't do it. Too much distractions maybe. Time to leave all the troubles aside and start studying.

 

 With my two Amanda(s). Can you imagine 3 people with the same name hanging out together lol..

I miss my old self

I can no longer feel joy, happiness, or anything good

Each time I pick myself up, something hits me

I feel much less alive

I've never felt so messed up and confused in my life

No one is here to fix me, no one is a savior 

Or maybe, I just refuse to be fixed 

"You're the epitome of a messed up wreck." 

that was what he said.

I did not deny. 

I couldn't agree more

I think my heart is dead

Finally

It wasn't that bad

Or maybe I was just numbed to all

Today, I realized I lost myself 

Lost hopes in everything 

I lost faith in love when I lost you 

X

Some days I feel thousands of different emotions all at once

Other days I feel nothing but numb

Sick of this rollercoaster masquerading as my life

Stop the ride

I'm getting off